


Never Have I Ever... Blamed Mitama.

by BrokenYumes



Series: IroYachi One Shots [6]
Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Drinking Games, Drunken Confessions, F/F, Married Couple, Never Have I Ever, Oneshot, Risky, The girls basically roast Yachiyo, so many confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenYumes/pseuds/BrokenYumes
Summary: On vacation, the girls from KMR and Mikazuki come up with an idea at the hotel they’re staying at. In the end, they all blame Mitama.
Relationships: Akino Kaede/Minami Rena, Futaba Sana/Tokiwa Nanaka, Mitsuki Felicia/Natsume Kako, Nanami Yachiyo/Tamaki Iroha, Togame Momoko/Yakumo Mitama
Series: IroYachi One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917589
Kudos: 2





	Never Have I Ever... Blamed Mitama.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know, I just thought this would be funny. Aka, crackfic! Hope you enjoy! I'm starting to get out of my writer's blocks, so hopefully, updates soon!

It was a nice summer night. Not too hot, but not too chilly either from the sea breeze. The Magical Girls of Kamihama decided to go on vacation, and what better way to spend it than at a hotel. Nothing bad would happen! No witches... At night at least. And no disturbances.

Well... Until Momoko found a game of cards in her suitcase she didn’t quite remember placing in.

”Hey guys! I found a game!” She exclaimed as the girls looked up.

”A game? What... kind of game?” The bluenette, Rena, questioned in suspicion before she returned to patting the redhead, Kaede, who was resting on her lap.  
  


”It... seems to be a game of cards.” Momoko replied as the other blonde, Felicia, tilted her head. “Cards? But I’m not good at Mao or speed...”

  
  


“They’re not... regular cards though... Almost like... Cards against humanity cards.” Momoko replied as the brunette, Tsuruno looked at the cards in Momoko’s hands.

  
”I’ve seen these cards before... I remember seeing them at a store.” She quipped as the lilac, Yume, sat up.

”If you’ve got cards, and they’re like cards against humanity cards... Why don’t we make this a little bit more fun?” She said with a smirk as the raveness, Yachiyo, raised an eyebrow.

”I have a bad feeling already. For all we know, they’re probably fortune telling cards like Meru used to have.”

”But it’s cards against humanity...?” The pinkette, Iroha, reassured her wife.

”Well... Why don’t we give it a shot? I think it’ll be fun!” The greenette, Sana smiled softly.

”Y’know what? Forget it. By making it more interesting...” Yachiyo said, turning her attention towards Yume.

”This is gonna be a fun night.” Momoko smiled as she sat down.

”Yeah, let’s turn this into Never Have I Ever... none of us have seen the cards, but! Let’s add a little alcohol into the mix!” Yume winked as Felicia fist-pumped.

”Hell yeah! No better way to play unless someone gets tipsy!”

”Every time we play a game like this, you’re the one that ends up getting tipsy though...” Tsuruno gave Felicia a sheepish grin as Felicia pouted.

”Who knows. Maybe it’ll be different.” Iroha shrugged as she placed her credit card against the fridge to buy a bottle of red wine.

Everyone knew well that red wine was the most simple wine that everyone could enjoy without getting... Too drunk.

”Okay! We’re all situated. Who should sacrifice?” Rena asked as the room ran silent.

“I sacrificed the last time we got a game. I’m out.” Yachiyo declared as Momoko sighed.

”Since I found it, I guess I’ll go first...” She sighed as she picked up the card.

”Okay. Never Have I Ever... Drove Tipsy.” Momoko read out loud as Felicia sipped the wine.

”Explain.” Tsuruno said as Felicia chuckled.

”One time! I didn’t even know it myself! My vision was kinda blurry, but I thought that was just because I didn’t have my contacts on.” She explained as Tsuruno nodded.

”Alright, I’ll go next.” Kaede volunteered as she picked up the card.

”Never Have I Ever... Had Sex In Public?” She blinked, but soon sighed.

”Can’t deny it...” Rena mumbled as she sipped.

”Ooh...” Felicia called as Rena rolled her eyes.

”Long story short, Kaede was being way too touchy.” She shrugged as her wife gave a small chuckle.

”What are these cards...?” Sana questioned in a whisper as Yume shrugged.

”So far, it’s one point for Kaede, Rena, and Felicia.” Yachiyo wrote down as the ones who got called hummed in agreement.

”I’ll go!” Tsuruno smiled as she picked up the card.

”Never Have I Ever... Asked My Lover For Oral? What’s that?” She questioned as the lilac whispered.

”OH. OOOOKAY.” She exclaimed as her teeth grit together in awkwardness.

The girls sat in silence for a brief moment. Not even noticing Tsuruno sipped.

It took a minute before Felicia raised an eyebrow at Tsuruno’s slightly embarrassed complexion.

”Wait... Tsuruno? _You?_ Of _all_ people!?” Felicia laughed in disbelief as Tsuruno rolled her eyes.

”Once. Because I was drunk.” She admitted as Momoko whistled.

“Who would’ve guessed...” Kaede sighed while Iroha stayed silent.

”I guess it’s my turn.” Sana said as she picked up the card.

”Never Have I Ever... Slept With An Ex? Wow... That’s derivative...” She said in surprise.

”Okay! So far! Three points for Felicia with Tsuruno, Yachiyo, Kaede, and Rena staying at one point, and the rest of us at zero.” Momoko marked down on the notebook that Yachiyo was previously writing on.

  
  


“Shouldn’t surprise me...” Iroha sighed with an empty look in her eyes.

”I mean... If you lived at Mikazuki then... It’s not that far off. It’s as if you're switching a girlfriend each new moon.” Momoko laughed as the old Mikazuki members, Tsuruno and Yume nodded.

”But Felicia?” Sana questioned as the blonde shrugged.

”I might’ve...” She smirked as Iroha tilted her head.

”Who?”

”Ayame.”

”What???” Sana giggled.

”Alright! I’ll go.” Iroha raised her hand in agreement before she picked up the card.

“What are these cards??? Never Have I Ever, Killed Someone.”

The room fan silent as Yachiyo exhaled and sipped.

”You never killed ANYONE!” Iroha, Tsuruno, and Yume exclaimed simultaneously as the raveness shrugged.

”I wanted to drink at that one...” She admitted as the three who were slightly aggravated, all let out sighs.

”That doesn’t count.” Iroha said with an annoyed tone as the other two nodded with the same tone.

”I’ll go.” Yume sighed, still trying to ignore the previous question Yachiyo drank at.

  
  


“Never Have I Ever, Been Jealous Of Someone’s Body?” She raised an eyebrow as Rena took an inaudible sip.

“Okay, Rena has her reasons,” Momoko said as Rena gave a nod.

”Anyone else?” Yume asked as the room ran silent.

”Ugh... I’m already dreading this...” Yachiyo grumbled as she picked up the card.

”Never Have I Ever... Been Jealous Of Someone Else’s Boobs?” She questioned as she heard a snicker come from Yume.

”Drink Up! Don’t be shy!” She snickered as Yachiyo huffed, but drank.

”Oooh!!!! Who? Who?” Kaede questioned with curiosity as Yachiyo glared coldly at the now laughing lilac.

”Fine. I was jealous of Felicia’s Boobs.” She admitted as the whole room broke out in laughter except Yachiyo herself.

”All those years ago??” Felicia questioned as Rena chuckled throughout her sentence.

”Oh My God... Yachiyo, don’t be discouraged. Having big breasts hurt your back.”

”W-Wait! I gotta tell the story!” Yume admitted in a laugh as the other snickering girls turned towards her.

”Okay... So, Yachiyo was annoyed one night. And I couldn’t sleep, so we were sitting at the bar in the Villa. Everyone else was asleep at this time, but then, out of nowhere. She said this.”

________________

_Flashback Time_

_”I’m jealous.” She spat in the silence that had emerged for quite some time now._

_”Why?” The latter questioned, looking up from her homework, but soon went to her glass of water._

_”She’s 13, and she STILL has bigger boobs than me.” Yachiyo deadpanned as Yume choked on her water._

_”*Ahem!* Why...? Then again... You are flat. So I could see your problem.”_

______________

”Oh. My. God.” Tsuruno said in shock as Yume fell face-first to the floor in laughter. She wasn’t even drunk.

”W-Wait, you know something? I think my little sister, my very own little sister! Had bigger boobs than you.” Iroha giggled as Momoko pounded her fist on a pillow in laughter.

”Wait! Do you know those middle schoolers that crossed the street? Even they had bigger boobs than you!” Felicia laughed as Yachiyo let out a small chuckle at that.

”Wait... I think... I, myself, from 6 years ago, had bigger boobs than you.” The pinkette admitted as Yachiyo puffed her cheeks.

”Some people don’t get lucky!” She retorted as Rena smirked.

”Uh-huh. I’ve seen the way you look at those mannequins. Even those plastic things have bigger boobs than you.” She smirked.

”I can’t! Anymore!” Yume wheezed, wiping the tears of laughter away from her eyes.

”Wait... So what bra size do you have?” Momoko questioned as Yachiyo looked up.

”...A-cup.” She admitted as Felicia wheezed, “Couldn’t even make it to the B!”

”You know those invisiliners? For your teeth? Yachiyo, do you have those except for your bras?” Sana questioned as Kaede and Iroha fell towards the bed in laughter.

“I’m surprised that you can lay an ironing board over your chest from your flatness. I’ve seen her do it from a dare!” Momoko chuckled.

”HAHA. Very funny. Can we change the topic now!” Yachiyo asked, clearly unamused with the situation.

  
“Don’t worry Yachiyo. I can send you the link to join the Itty Bitty Titty Committee!” Yume laughed as the room broke into laughter again.

”CHANGING THE TOPIC!” Yachiyo exclaimed as she went twice.

“That was too good... Your 19-year old self jealous of a 13-year old’s boobs...” Felicia chuckled as Yachiyo read the card.

”Never Have I Ever... Made A Joke About Someone’s Hips Don’t Lie? What does that...?”

Iroha, Felicia, and Sana drank to that.

”Seriously?” Yachiyo raised an eyebrow as Felicia chuckled.

”I mean... We get bored.”

”That’s not an answer.” She retorted.

”Uh... Do you know the song Hips Don’t Lie?” Her wife asked as she nodded.

”It’s kind of obvious if you think about it...” Sana said with a small, but impatient smile.

”She’s old, she’s not gonna know...” Felicia shrugged as Yachiyo squinted her eyes.

”For your information Felicia, I do know. And I’m making this face because I’m unamused.” Yachiyo deadpanned.

”Okay! Never Have I Ever... Peed On Myself In A Haunted House? Have we ran out of the good ones already?” Momoko frowned as Iroha shrugged.

”Alrighty, so! Points are like this people:

Sana, Iroha, Tsuruno, and Kaede all have one point.

Yachiyo and Rena have two points.

While Felicia... Has Three?

While Me and Momoko, have zero points.”

Yume explained, glancing at the notebook for safe measures.

”Yup.” Felicia pouted as Kaede pulled a card.

”Never Have I Ever... Had To Cover Up A Hickey.”

The room ran silent, but each girl took their sip.

”So ashamed... It tasted bitter this time.” Sana stuck her tongue out as Felicia nodded.

  
“Alrighty... Never Have I Ever... Faked It?!” Tsuruno said in surprise.

”Whoa... Alrighty. Whoever’s guilty, might as well fess up now.” Momoko said, still a bit shaken from that card.

  
  


No one drank.

”Okay... Never Have I Ever... Been Walked In On.” Rena read.

“Damn...” Felicia mumbled before she drank.

  
  


”Do I need to tell the story?” She asked as the group shook their heads.

”Please, don’t.” Sana said, her embarrassment making her speak in a deep tone as Felicia nodded.

“Oh. I never drew.” Felicia realized as Tsuruno shrugged, “Just go before me.”

“Okay! Never Have I Ever... Fantasized About Someone In This Room.” Felicia read.

“Wives don’t count, right?” Rena questioned as Felicia shook her head.

”Eugh... I don’t wanna drink...” The brunette sighed before she sipped.

”Who?” Her wife asked as Tsuruno whispered in her ear.

”I swear, she’s a harem protagonist! Almost everybody has a crush on her!” Yume rolled her eyes and folded her arms.

”Who?” Iroha questioned as Tsuruno sighed again.

”Yachiyo.”

”One time! Okay! And it was because I didn’t know I was gay...” Tsuruno said her reasoning in a hushed voice before Yume bit her ear.

”You’re gay now, princess.” She replied before taking a sip of her own wine.

“A-Alright. Never Have I Ever... Done PDA.” Tsuruno read, still a bit bashful from her wife’s previous action.

”Well. Might as well drink.” Momoko shrugged as Yume nodded.

  
“Heh... I want bread...” Felicia mumbled before incoherently mumbling.

”Alright! Felicia’s already getting tipsy! Anyway.

Scores are Felicia with Six.

Sana, Iroha, and Kaede with Three.

Rena and Yachiyo with Four.

Tsuruno with Five.

Yume and I with Two.”

Momoko marked down as Sana pulled a card.

”Dang... We’re getting back into the dirty. Never Have I Ever Masturbated. If So, You Have To Say Who’s Name You Were Calling.”

”Damn... That’s oddly specific.” Tsuruno winced as Iroha nodded.

”Let’s... Get it out of the way, I guess.” Yachiyo exhaled before she sipped. Soon enough, Kaede and Momoko following.

”Alrighty... I have a random name generator. Whoever’s name starts with the letter, that’s the name we’ll start with.” Yume explained as the three nodded.

”The name to start with is... Karin. That’s oddly specific. Anyway. Kaede, you’re up.”

”Okay... Umm... Does anyone remember the time I went into Yachiyo’s Sake cabinet?”

”You went into my Sake cabinet?” Yachiyo questioned, not even knowing at all.

”I’ll explain later! Anyway! I got... drunk. And... I ended up screaming Mitama’s name.” Kaede admitted as Rena raised an eyebrow.

“Mitama???” She repeated as Kaede sighed.

”It was as if she was messing with my Soul Gem... I was playing with my Soul Gem...!”

“Since it’s you two left, Rock Paper Scissors.” She said as the two went.

”Rock.”

”Scissors.”

“Alrighty... Bathroom situation, it was Kanagi.” Momoko admitted.

”KANAGI???” Felicia repeated, somewhat sober.

”Uhh... Okay! Yachiyo.” Rena said as Yachiyo glanced at her wine glass.

”...I had a curse placed on me. And... I yelled my wife’s name.” Yachiyo said as Tsuruno gave an uneasy grin.

”That was rather anticlimactic... Wait. Curse?”

”Ohh! I know what you’re talking about!” She said in realization as Yachiyo sighed in relief.

”I don’t.” Felicia shrugged.

”Neither do I...” Sana said in thought.

”Me either.” Iroha shook her head as Kaede tilted hers in confusion.

”Okay. The curse I had placed on me was... basically me having a penis for 24 hours.” Yachiyo explained.

”From Mitama.” She grimaced.

”And you thought you were dying...” Momoko chuckled as Tsuruno gave a small giggle.

”Yachiyo’s “member” caused a lot of problems...”

”I’m so glad it was only for 24 hours...” The bluenette sighed.

”Wait... So... What happened?” Kaede questioned as Tsuruno cleared her throat.

”So, Yachiyo woke up one morning. Did her morning routine, all that jazz. But she realized she felt... off. She looked down and noticed she had a... penis. So, she called me and Momoko woke up Yume, who isn’t a morning person, and called us all downstairs for a... _“big”_ meeting.”

”Why did you say... big like... that?” Iroha asked, still slightly confused.

”We’ll get into it...” Momoko chuckled as Yachiyo sipped her wine.

”So we all got called to the Villa for a meeting. I haven’t any coffee in my system, so I was really confused to see a... _lump_. On Yachiyo’s dress. At first, I thought it was just my vision, but that’s when she told us she had a penis.”

“We didn’t know how long it would last for, since it was all... still... new. To say the least, but we managed to push through it for the time being. It was still like I said, weird. She was basically a hermaphrodite.” Yume explained, taking a sip of wine herself.

“Weird didn’t describe it. It’s as if your vagina was just pulsing the entire time because you couldn’t have your period yet. Speaking of period. I was on my cycle, and I had no clue where the blood was gonna go. Luckily, it managed to stay in the right spot. I don’t know how men manage to go to the bathroom... But back to the whole period thing.”

Yachiyo took another deep exhale for what was probably the fifth time that night before speaking.

”I! Am! Horny as hell when I’m on my cycle.” She admitted as Felicia high-fived her.

“Me too, bitch! Me too!!!”

”She’s tipsy, alright.” Sana shook her head but listened to the story.

”So, I had no clue. How to settle my needs, but. I managed. Surprisingly.”

“How’d you do it?” Rena asked as Yachiyo scratched her head.

”I don’t... I guess similar to Momoko, Bathroom situation. The lump in my dress was basically visible for all eyes at this point, but I managed to... hold the... cock? And... s-squeeze it...?” Yachiyo questioned, not entirely sure how she did it.

”I mean the curse lasted for a day... It’s been about two years, I mean...” Momoko shrugged as Tsuruno giggled.

“I still remember what she said though... I get to do my Yachiyo Impression!” The brunette sounded chipper as Momoko chuckled.  
  


”I HAVE A DIIIICK!” Tsuruno exclaimed, except in a lower voice compared to her own before breaking into laughter and leaning on her wife’s shoulder.

”Oh My God... I wish I was there to hear that... Just hearing her yell that in the morning...” Sana giggled.

”I’m still surprised no one caught you with it...” Iroha said in surprise as Kaede nodded.

”Anyway... We’re getting to the last two cards. Let make ‘em count.” Momoko explained as Iroha pulled a card.

”Never Have I Ever Wanted My Girl To Put Her Hair In Pigtails.”  
  


"Okay~" Iroha sang as she drank.

  
"W-When? Also, are you drunk already?" Rena questioned.

  
"We just began dating and I wanted to see her do something different with her hair. And... maybe?"

“Alright. Um.. Second to last one.” Sana frowned then pulled.

”Umm.... N-Never Have I... Ever...” She stopped there and covered her face with the card.

”What does it say, Sana?” Kaede questioned.

”N-Never Have I Ever... P-Peed On Myself... W-While Having S-Sex.” Sana read, not even daring to look up.  
  


That awkward silence in the room emerged once again.

Until a whine escaped Iroha’s throat.

”Damn it...” She cursed, covering her face as Sana glanced towards her.

”Y-You actually...” The greenette said in shock, unable to get her words.

“I’m still having a hard time believing that.” Momoko blinked as Felicia gave an exasperated expression.

”C’mon people! Think about it! They fuck all the time!” She started, pointing to the pinkette and raven-bluenette.

“It’s not a surprise if one of ‘em pissed on the other since it’s a kink of the other or some shit. I mean seriously, Yachiyo has some weird-ass kinks. Who the fuuuck wants to get wait before getting to orgasm? And Iroha, you literally like getting bitten as if one of us are a fucking vampire or some shit!” The blonde ranted as Sana cleared her throat awkwardly.

”For God sakes! I heard them! While I was trying to sleep! And I was NOT pleased.”

“Uhh... That wasn’t us. We were asleep that night.” Yachiyo said, moving her hair to her shoulder.

“Well who then?” Felicia questioned.

”You sure it wasn’t you?” Yume deadpanned, her empty eyes showing with a frown.

”I would’ve known!” Felicia rebutted as Momoko bought the younger blonde down.

”Okay, that’s enough! Iroha, if you wanna tell the story, you can.” She replied, sitting back in her own spot.

“Uhh... what’s there to tell? I didn’t know I peed until I felt it...” Iroha said, still trying to get Felicia’s mini-rant out of her memory.

“Alright... I’ll pull. Never Have I Ever, Practiced Sex On Myself. That’s similar to the other thing, isn’t it...” Rena glanced up before seeing Momoko drink.

”Momoko!” She exclaimed, clearly in shock.

”I had no clue what I was getting into!” Momoko rebutted.

”Never Have I Ever, Screamed The Wrong Name.” Yachiyo read.

”That’s fucked up. Who would do that?” She blinked, clearly confused.

No one drank.

”Okay, Last one.” Yume said as she watched Momoko pick up the card.

”Never Have I Ever, Blamed Mitama. Wait, does this mean...” The blonde ran silent as everyone drank.

”Well, looks like the winner is...” Iroha hummed as Yume glanced at the notebook.

  
  


”Oh. Me. Haha.” She laughed uneasily before smiling to herself.

”I am the Queen Of Never Have I Ever!” Sana smiled.


End file.
